If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
be right there i have to get my cape
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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