I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
