I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
