i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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