Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
