I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
