the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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