I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You made out with two different species that night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
