What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
