Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
