All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
