Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
