yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
