Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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