I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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