Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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