cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm passing your future prison.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
