a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
