I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
