Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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