Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
