I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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