We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
