under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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