so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
