I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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