Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
