My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
