Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
