wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
