cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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