I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
