It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
