I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
