Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
