Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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