Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
