he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
