Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
