I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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