My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
