you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
