I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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