so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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