I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
