A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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