I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
