I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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