It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
