Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
