I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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